Category: about me

general posts that help you get to know me better

I am not a blogger.
about me · books · inspirational · Uncategorized

I am not a blogger.

Jaycee

Just in case you didn’t realize that. Because, you know, I haven’t posted anything since January. And I released a book in April, so that was a total fail if I’d ever intended to become one. But I’m not, so that’s cool.

I admire those brave souls who constantly come up with interesting content, become influencers in industry and culture, and use their voices to share their awesomeness. But, again, I am not a blogger. What I am is an indie author, wife, and mama with a whole lot of energy, and yet still not enough time to do it all well enough that my recovering perfectionist self can be satisfied with the results.

Oh, and I’m turning forty this weekend. So…that’s fun. I’m surprisingly okay with admitting that number. I’ve been told I don’t really look it (liars, but I love you), and I know I definitely don’t act it (thank you, ADD and teenage daughters). But more than anything, I feel like I’m standing on this great mountaintop in my life, and I’m looking across a nice, wide summit at this amazing gift called life. And it’s good.

Last weekend, I hiked the Domingo Baca/TWA Canyon trail in the Sandia Mountains. My husband did it about twenty years ago and always told stories about it. We’ve waited and waited until the kids were old enough to make it without complaining too much or needing to be carried. And finally, this was the year!

If you’ve ever read any of my books, you’ll know how much I love my mountains. After a rather stressful school year and start to summer, this was an absolute joy of a day. All five of us grabbed our backpacks and plenty of water and ventured out into an overcast day with a 20% chance of thunderstorms. Not exactly optimal weather, but we prayed it would hold out until we were finished.

 

It was pretty much the equivalent of climbing UP the stairs in our two-story house for five straight hours, stopping to rest, eat, sip, and shutterbug, and then climbing down those stairs for two more. Yes, the incline was pretty much the same. Not kidding.

But for about an hour in between the going up and coming down, we explored the wreckage of a Martin 404 airplane, TWA flight 260, that crashed in 1955. Sixteen people lost their lives in this accident, and most of the information is hard to come by online. But being up there in the middle of it was sobering and adventure-inspiring all at the same time. To walk among tragedy and see how nature has taken it over was absolutely incredible.

I came home with my family that day feeling uplifted in a way I haven’t in years. Connected with my people, connected with my home, connected with God. (And cool story there–every time the sun came out too hot, or it started to rain, I prayed for the weather to hold out. Same with our energy. No sooner did we make it to the car than the sky opened up and poured! And we were drained and sore, but we did it!) Over seven miles in a day, and we did it.

It was exactly what I needed to reset my perspective on life. While I may not be much of a blogger, I am definitely a connector. I need to connect to things, to people, to places, and to Jesus, above all.

And while turning forty sounds pretty scary to a younger person, I’m taking it with a joyful heart that’s ready to stare across the summit of life’s steep climb with the satisfaction knowing how hard it was to get here at times. The air’s nice. So’s the view. I’m in no hurry to climb down, either.

If you’ve made it down this far into my not-really-a-blog post, you’re in for a treat! In honor of my July birthday this weekend, I am giving away my Christmas (in July, haha!) novella, Love, Laughter, and Luminarias for FREE July 12-14! So head on over to Amazon and download it before it’s over. To find what it’s all about, see my BOOKS page! You can also read about my latest release, the third installment in the Everyday Love series, What Makes a Home over there.

And just because I feel like it, I’d love to give away two eBooks of What Makes a Home! Because it’s my birthday and I can do what I want, I’ll give one copy to a random commenter BELOW, and another to the friend of their choice!

*Open internationally to a valid email address. Not endorsed by any entity but me.*

 

 

 

about me · books · Uncategorized

It’s like pregnancy…and parenthood.

Jaycee

Writing a book feels a lot like pregnancy. I’m completely serious.

You have to admit the conception part is the most fun, aside from the beautiful blessing of holding that baby in your arms. Everything in between is a lot of dreaming and a whole ton of planning, prepping, and reining in the crazy.

But then, suddenly, you’re holding that beautiful work of yours in your arms and it’s perfect. You only pray people look at that precious bundle and think it’s as wonderful as you do. Surely yours won’t be one of those avoid-eye-contact ugly ones, right?

And while I’m working the analogy, let’s just acknowledge that publication is a lot like raising that baby.

In those early days, you’re showing off pictures and telling everyone who will listen until your family rolls their eyes and your friends start to avoid you. You’ve got those quiet moments where you’re frantically checking in to make sure there’s still signs of life. For a little while, there’s peace and just enjoying the wonder of it all.

Down the road, you may have corrections to make, little tweaks to ensure it grows up well. Eventually, you’re helping fix that outward appearance that’s become a little awkward but still wanting to fit in with peers. Siblings come along, and you’re doing the same for them, too.

And all the while, you’re working, loving, crying, reflecting, getting everyone where they need to be, still dreaming of a bright future, but exhausted. Rejoicing in triumphs and correcting the screw ups. Knowing more everyday and still nothing, all at the same time.

Yes, being an author is a whole lot like parenthood.

I could go on with the comparison, but I’ll stop here. Instead, I’m going to take my own proud momma moment and introduce you to my newest book baby, Whatever Comes Our Way. It’s now fully available on Amazon in eBook and paperback. And just so it’s big sister doesn’t get jealous, I’ll remind you that you can still get What Could Be free in eBook today, and only $2.99 after that. And don’t ask a mother to choose favorites. She usually can’t (even though, secretly, she’ll tell you that she’s a little enamored with the baby right now because it’s just so new and wonderful).

 

Bouncing Back!
about me · inspirational · Uncategorized

Bouncing Back!

Jaycee

It’s a good day. Why? I’m still alive and kicking, that’s why.

About a week ago now, I had major surgery. I knew it was coming, and I was mostly prepared for it. I’ll back up.

So last August, I had some severe abdominal pain that I wasn’t sure was appendicitis, gall bladder, ovarian cyst, or what. I had signs that it could be any of the above and it was the devil. Within a couple of weeks, though, I had some nice images of a lovely uterine nodule that was embedded in the too-thick lining of my too-big uterus as well as signs of pretty angry cysts in both ovaries. I was able to get into a specialist here in town (who I instantly adored) after a second round of ultrasounds showed the same thing, only better and worse in different ways. By round three, that pesky nodule had grown and looked cranky.

She recommended we take the uterus since I’ve been blessed with my three girls and we’ve been done having babies for a while. We made the plans, I dealt with the frequent pain from those cysts and nodule cycling through, well, my cycle, and protesting their frustrations loud and proud. Life goes on. I prepared best I could at home, getting the house spic and span like any neurotic recovering perfectionist would, making meals for the freezer that could be cooked later, teaching the kids how to do laundry and other things. The night before I made sure everyone understood the depth of my love. And that if the worst happened, they better remember never to bury me or have an open casket of any kind, ever, because I will come back and angry haunt them. Nuh uh, no way. They already knew that, of course, because I’ve made my opinion known on that lots of times. I’m kind of morbid like that.

And then, I spent most of the night before praying and reminding the Lord that while I love Him and look forward to being in glory, eternity can wait another 50 years, thank you very much. If that’s His will, of course. But seriously, Lord. Not til I’m 90 something, okay? A thousand years is but a day to Him and all that. These are the thoughts of a crazy lady trying not to let anxiety rule before the scariest surgery of her life. I’d put off processing my emotions really until that night like any good procrastinator does. (Side note, that’s what procrastination usually is–perfectionism delayed because we don’t want to face failure or fear or flaws.)

Anyway, my incredibly wonderful hubby and I go into the hospital while normal, sane people are still asleep and get checked in and prepped. My mom gets there and we’re joking around until I get one little dose of meds in the IV and wake up hours later sore and woozy. Weirdest experience ever, waking up somewhere else knowing your body’s been sliced and yanked and sewn up without your awareness. Surgery takes a whole lot of faith for a control freak.

So now it’s been almost a week. I’ve been mostly resting while trying not to command the troops too forcefully. They’re all amazing, by the way. Friends showing up with dinner, family helping care for and cart around the kids, and my immediate gang pitching in often and wonderfully.

It’s still not all smooth sailing, though. Bouncing back is hard work.

It’s hard to rest when you’re used to doing and doing. It’s hard to let others help you and shut your mouth because they’re not doing it your way, even when you realize expecting that is so rude and makes you sound like a controlling monster. It’s hard when your heart is grateful but your mind is frustrated that you only have the energy for a few minutes’ walk to the bathroom and to get water before you have to rest again. It’s hard when you know that everyone already has so much on their plates that you don’t want to add more, which is why you do everything you do in the first place. It’s hard when you can’t alleviate those burdens and need to be on the receiving end. It’s hard to express that you’re thankful for what everyone is doing but you’re a jumbled mess.

It’s hard when your body is just realizing that all of its normal hormone-balancing parts are gone and the job is left to one little lone ovary to figure herself out. It’s hard when the emotions start processing whether you want them to or not, and suddenly you’re crying buckets one minute and wanting to hit something the next, trying not to get hurt over stupid things, still needing to intervene when the kids are bickering, and yet wanting to crawl into a hole and sleep for days ALL IN THE SAME HOUR. It’s hard when every day feels different, physically and emotionally.

The good news is, it’s temporary. I’m still here and taking more steps forward than back. I’m learning new things everyday about myself, about my strengths and weaknesses. Realizing changes I need to make within myself to better serve my family like I’m supposed to be. Why is it we so easily become stuck in our ruts and routines and don’t realize the things we’ve let slide until there’s a major upheaval?

So I’m grateful I needed this procedure. Sure, there’s a lot of hard stuff to face and deal with afterward. Physically, emotionally, even spiritually. But it’s going to be so much better in the long run. There’s a lot to look forward to physically once I’ve healed, but it’s the emotional and spiritual journey that this has kickstarted I’m most looking forward to. I’m not yet all that I want to be, and God let me wake up afterward so that I can get there. He’s given me time and the desire to make things better and become who He’s made me to be. He’s reignited my eternal spark of hope that’s getting ready to burst into flame once more for Him, for His will in me, in my life, and in my family. For that, I’d go through all of the hard stuff a thousand times, and worse. Because like Romans 5:3-5 says:

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

It’s spring, and I’m alive. There is hope, for those who take the seasons of upheaval and persevere to learn something. I don’t want to miss my chance. So while there’s not a lot I can do right now as I recover physically, there’s a lot I can do inside (or rather, a lot Jesus can do in me). I’m not going to waste this season.

Come on, Jesus!

Connection isn’t just a buzz word.
about me · inspirational · Uncategorized

Connection isn’t just a buzz word.

Jaycee

Cue deep breath, followed by long sigh. Okay. I can write now.

So it’s been awhile, and I’m not the most faithful at blogging. Not that I have a ton of subscribers to impress anyway, nor is that my goal. So what is my goal, you ask? Easy. I just want to have a place to write and share a little of who I am.

In this crazy busy world of polarized opinion over-sharing and character counts, I’m looking for a little something more.

Connection. I think that’s ultimately what we all crave.

Our need for connection is woven into the very fiber of our existence. We seek connection within ourselves, the world around us, in relationships with other people, and especially spiritually. Connecting ourselves to new information, texts we read, things we hear, and pretty much every experience we have is actually a vital element to learning even from a young age. We feel positively about the things we connect with personally.

So. Connection. It’s one of those buzz words all over the place these days, as people begin to realize how we’ve allowed ourselves to become isolated. And we have done this.

We join social media, but become disheartened by the climate there or distracted and disillusioned by the highlights we see peeking in on others’ lives. Maybe we take the time now and then to connect in person. Maybe we don’t. We spend a little too much time inside working, living, doing. We’re busy. Some of us put ourselves out there over and over again and receive bupkiss in return. Or, if you’re like me, you make really great friends for a while and then–bam!–they move away. (So many times! I tell you, if you want to leave Albuquerque, let’s be friends. I try not to feel cursed.)

But I digress.

So many of the problems on the rise in our country could be resolved and prevented by this one simple concept of truly connecting. Think about it. Suicide rates, school shootings, racial tensions, the polarization of public opinions. Yes, there are extenuating factors making each issue more complex. But at the very heart of things, as we lose face-to-face connection with other people, as we focus more on ourselves, as we keep from doing the things we love and enjoy, spend more time indoors and less in nature, we lose more and more connections. The very connections that make us who we are as a person, but also as a people.

So how do we find connection when we have an infinite list of reasons to remain distracted, isolated, withdrawn, or in our little family bubble?

I find it’s easiest to start physically. I’ve recently gone back to practicing yoga, and my Christ honoring instructor pointed out how important it is we feel connected to the very ground under our feet. She wanted us to really feel the floor with our hands and feet while the rest of our bodies are twisting like pretzels. And guess what? It makes sense. That physical connection opened my heart back up to checking out the world around me, and looking for other broken connections.

When I look up and around, the first thing my eyes are always drawn to are the Sandia Mountains.

This isn’t even that great of a shot. But look at those pretty Watermelon Mountains (in case you wondered what Sandia means). Every time I look at them, I marvel at the way they never look the same. And I mean never. You could do a time-lapse over a year and it would be a crazy mix of colors, clarity, brightness, depth, and mystery. I could write an ode or sonnet about all the things I love about my mountains. As long as I can see them, I feel connected to my home. I come back to ABQ from a long trip, and as soon as I catch sight of them my heart wants to leap from its chest and sing, “I’m home! I’m home!” Sure, they’re small compared to the mountains further north or across the world, but they’re mine.

When I turn away from the mountains to face west, I catch an expanse of the most incredible sky in the world. Yes. I said that. New Mexico has incredibly blue skies, and the sunsets here are like nowhere else. Whenever I’m driving westward in the late afternoon, I feel like God has painted a spectacular work of art just for me. Just. For. Me. I don’t care how many people live here and see it. He did it for me, and you can’t tell me differently. Because connecting to the artistry and beauty of creation opens my heart and spirit to connect with God himself. And a spiritual connection is ultimately what we’re all created for in the first place. So get out there and connect to your world, your environment. Experience it. Put down the distractions more often and let your love for a place ground you and start healing those wounded places.

Once you’ve reset yourself again, you’re ready to get out there and make human connections again. And let’s face it. We all go through seasons of isolation and withdrawal. We get tired and frustrated and it’s easier to not put ourselves out there anymore to avoid the hurt. Or we become “too busy,” allowing our busy-ness to make us feel more important and significant. All that does is elevate us onto a different plane away from the very thing we need most, other people. Even you introverts out there. You need your people. Small, controlled doses with plenty of solo time after, but you need them, too. And you extroverted introverts (like me) who need to be surrounded by people, but it’s like pulling teeth to get you there past the dread and temptation to cancel. I see you, I know how you are. Suck it up, buttercup, and make a plan with somebody and stick to it. You need it.

I won’t go on about all the ways we can foster our interpersonal connections because what each of us needs varies greatly from person to person. I just want to encourage you to find a small way to actually do it. Start with your little world around you. Throw yourself back into something that you love, or pursue that person you’ve lost touch with. Reconnect with your faith, even if it’s just a quick prayer of “Hey, God, I’m still here. Sorry I’ve ignored you lately.”

Make one connection today, and maybe another one tomorrow.

If we all just got outside ourselves for a minute, think of the good we could do in this world.

Green Chile is My Favorite!
about me · in the kitchen · Uncategorized

Green Chile is My Favorite!

Jaycee

I have to admit, I can’t stand Will Ferrell 98% of the time, but Elf is ridiculous and awesome. And while smiling might be Buddy’s favorite, green chile might be mine. Okay, it’s a toss up with Einstein Bagels’ Vanilla Hazelnut coffee.

But I wouldn’t be a New Mexican if I didn’t love me some chile. And that’s chile with an e, people. Chili is that spicy meat and bean and tomato stuff made famous in Texas. Chile is the pepper, the sauce, the glorious deliciousness we love here in NM. And for die hards, we also love it red. And when you serve the two side by side, we call it Christmas. Hence my thinking about Buddy the Elf.

But green chile. I love to play with the stuff, and buy it by the 30lb box (okay, maybe I buy two) every August and sniff the air as they roast it, preserve the fragrance in my minivan for days after I bring it home, bag and freeze and revel in the nom all year long.

Usually in the fall I make caramel from scratch, which is its own sort of fun. One year I decided to make green chile caramels. This year I went a step further and made green chile vanilla cupcakes with green chile salted caramel frosting.

Can I just say, nom? Yes, I can admit my kitchen fails but I will also acknowledge the wins. And whoa. These were a win.

But I digress. Sorry, I may not have shown my penchant for rabbit trails just yet.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine gave me the easiest recipe for sandwich bread ever. It’s already a new standby because it’s awesome. But today, I needed green chile cheddar bread. I needed it. So…

This happened. Don’t worry, I will totally share the recipes below.

Of course, if you want the whole food blogger experience with step by step pics, I have to apologize. I don’t do that here.

And of course, every good bread needs a good soup to go with it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that’s how this happened.

Green chile chicken soup is my stand by for crappy weather. Oh, I will pretty much concoct any kind of soup out there that sounds good. (I used to stink at making soup until I learned that making bone broth from Costco rotisserie chickens is key.) But green chile has more vitamin C and capsaicin than pretty much any other food item out there. So it’s perfect for cold season.

Plus, it’s just good eating.

Back to the point. I wanted to share with you a little bit of deliciousness and the culture I’ve adopted. Oh, but I’ll warn you. When I cook, I concoct. So measurements are an estimate for the soup below, with options for making life easier. The baking stuff will have precision, though, so you can stop sweating.

Let me know what you think! I’d love to hear from some of you. What’s your favorite local flavor where you are?

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously easy and delicious white sandwich bread:

*This recipe came from my friend Bethany H, but after it wasn’t nearly as pretty as hers the first time, I modified it slightly based on other disasters experiences I’ve had with making bread.

  • 2 Tbsp active dry yeast
  • 1/2 c. warm water (I microwave it for 30 sec)
  • 1/2 Tbsp sugar

Mix and set aside. Warm oven to 170 degrees (or a handy dandy bread proof setting if you have one).

  • 1 c. HOT water (not boiling, but hot)
  • 1 c. HOT milk (again, not boiling, and the fattier the better, I’ve even used a blend of skim and half&half)
  • 2 1/2 Tbsp. sugar
  • 1 Tbsp. salt
  • 1/3 c. oil
  • 3 c. flour
  • *For people like me who usually have epic bread fails, I’m going to give you a secret that will make ALL the difference in the world. Bob’s Red Mill vital wheat gluten. Yeah, I know, the “g” word. But if you live in high altitude or have problems, give it a try. Usually a health food store or the health food section at Smith’s carries it in a bag for about $7 that will last in your fridge for a year or so. Use 1 Tbsp. per 1 c. of flour in your recipe, give or take. I usually use less than that (about 1/4 c. for this whole recipe).

Mix these ingredients with the paddle attachment on a stand mixer (or whisk out all of your aggression by hand if you don’t have one) until smooth, about a minute. Switch to the dough hook.

Add 3 c. more flour and the yeast water to the goo above and mix until all the dough scrapes cleanly from the bowl and hangs on the hook. It should look soft and smooth. I give it 3-4 minutes, give or take. Eyeball it.

Oil or spray 2 bread pans (size is flexible). Split the dough in half and gently form loaves in the pans. Cover with a towel, place in the prewarmed oven, and turn it off.

Let the loaves double, which can take anywhere from 20 min to an hour, and they’ll rise to about 1″ above the pan. I take them out and let them sit in the microwave while I preheat the oven to 350. Remove the towel, bake 25-30 minutes until golden. Let it cool 2-3 minutes in the pan, then turn the loaves on their sides for another 2-3 minutes. Dump them out of the pans and cool completely on a rack. Seriously. Do not touch, slice, or mess with bread until it’s cool. No one wants to eat spongy funky gum bread, so let it cool all the way before you slice it.

Green Chile Adaptation:

BEFORE YOU START, take either 2 small cans of chopped green chiles (if the back says they’re from Hatch, you’ve got a good can) OR get some fresh or frozen whole chiles that are peeled and seeded. I used about 4 whole chiles per loaf, but you can decide how much to use based on your family’s love or fear for the stuff. Chop them fairly fine.

No matter what form your chiles come, the most important thing is to squeeze out as much moisture as humanly possible (use cheesecloth, a clean towel, or a thick layer of paper towels).

Make the bread using the recipe above, but at the final step when it’s kneading, toss in:

  • 1/2 c. flour
  • 1/2 c. shredded cheddar
  • the squeezed out chiles
  • 1 tsp. garlic powder
  • 1/2 tsp. cumin, if desired

Let the bread knead and every other step as directed in the original recipe. About 5-10 minutes before the loaves are fully baked, sprinkle on additional shredded cheddar and finish baking.

Green Chile Chicken Soup

Sorry, I didn’t make any of these printable. Like I said, I’m not a food blogger.

Also, I cook for an army. So my soup is going to serve probably 8-10 people, give or take. My 5 eats it for dinner with leftovers for everyone to take for lunch.

  • A quart of chicken broth, give or take.
  • 2 lb. chicken, either breasts, tenderloins, or thighs, or combination thereof
  • 1 medium white or yellow onion, diced
  • 2-3 cloves garlic, minced

Bring the broth to a boil and toss in the rest. Let it simmer until chicken is fully cooked.

While the chicken is cooking, peel 2 large baking potatoes and cube them to about 1/2 inch.

Remove the chicken from the pot, place on a cutting mat to shred. Place your cubed potatoes into the pot and let them simmer while you shred the chicken using two forks.

When you’re done shredding, get out a small saucepan.

  • 2 Tbsp. butter
  • 1/4 c. flour
  • 1 c. milk (or half & half)

Melt the butter in the saucepan and whisk in the flour until it’s golden, then whisk in the milk until everything is smooth (have you ever heard people talk about making a roux? That’s it.).

Pour this into the simmering broth and add the chicken back in. Stir til it looks consistent and taste, adding salt as needed. You’ll know it’s done when the potatoes are soft enough to eat but not falling apart. You may need to add additional water, milk, and/or broth depending on the consistency you prefer.

GLUTEN FREE ALTERNATIVE: Sorry about the bread, but you can do the soup GF.

  • 1/2 c. water or cool broth plus 1/2 c. or so milk
  • 1-2 tsp. xanthan gum

Use an immersion blender to smoothly mix the xanthan gum and liquids, then place in saucepan. Cook until it’s thick. Xanthan gum is tricky, so if it’s getting too thick, just add more milk and whisk til it’s incorporated nicely. Then add it to the soup pot with the chicken and stir. Add additional liquid as necessary. It’s done when the potatoes are soft enough to eat but not fall apart.

ALSO, if you’re a crock pot person, you can easily NOT cook the potatoes. After the chicken is cooked, just dump everything in your slow cooker, do the roux and mix it in, then let it go on low for a few hours until dinner.

about me · inspirational · Uncategorized

When all you want to do is ____________…

Jaycee

..and everything else has to take priority.

It’s not fun. Let me tell you. I’ve been re-reading Gina and Jaydon’s story for weeks just to remind myself what’s going on in their lives so that I can stay consistent with where I want them to go. Plus, you know, edits. Lots and lots of edits.

But I can’t seem to get the time to sit and finish the story as quickly as I want to. Does that ever happen to you? You’ve got this nice long goals list, or…wait for it…New Year’s Resolutions (gag, choke, puke) that you’re ready to commit to and raring to go. And then? BAM! Life happens.

You get sick. The kids get sick. Oh, and there’s work. The house. Dinner, every night. Activities and chaos and and and and and–whew!

You know what I’m talking about.

So here’s another reminder for all my fellow recovering perfectionists out there. Let it go (shut up, Elsa, I hate you). But seriously, it’s okay to let go of those icky, stressed out feelings that are keeping you from achieving those goals. The rigidity that comes with perfectionism says it’s all-or-nothing, success or fail. But that is a LIE. The truth is, there is peace in the balance. There actually is a middle ground, a place where you’re mostly succeeding and not letting the little shortcomings derail you–remembering that the small things really are small things.

A heads up for those of you who are not perfectionists (you lucky schmucks) but are probably married or related to one, that overachievers are more likely to be procrastinators and feel really, really guilty for breaking those resolutions or not completing our lists. And the anxiety that comes with those failures sucks. It makes us annoying jerks who snip and snap at everyone around us, and when you point and laugh (I can admit that from the outside, perfectionist freak outs are pretty amusing) it only reminds us that we’ve screwed up and heaven forbid we’ve had a witness to a failure.

Thank God for maturity, though. If my thirties have taught me anything, it’s that life happens and I’m much happier if I just roll with it as it comes. It’s a struggle, I’ll admit, when my first nature is to stress out and get annoyed with myself for not being superhuman enough to accomplish it all.

Like Brynn in my first book, I have to remember that “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” (Prov. 19:21 NIV). As long as I am keeping my eyes on the One who knows what needs to happen where and when, then things really will fall into place. Like Ecclesiastes 3 says, to everything there is a time and a season.

Today, it’s my time to work on my website, social media, and getting things updated. Tomorrow it’s a day of substitute teaching and shuttling children. This weekend it’ll be family time and taking care of the house. But Monday? Six hours of writing. A full, dedicated day to do what I both want AND need to do.

So I encourage you–when you’re overwhelmed by the failures and breaking resolutions and the pace of life going too fast for you to squeeze it all in–relax, let go of the frustrations, and remind yourself that the balance feels better than the stress. Because you’re going to get done what you can, when you can, and stressing out and treating everyone around you like crap isn’t going to help anything. You may as well enjoy the highs and lows, because that’s where you’ll find the balance. It’s resting, even in the pursuit.

 

about me · books · Uncategorized

Behind the Scenes (Without Spoilers) Q&A

Jaycee

It cracks me up, but I’ve had several people ask me if What Could Be is autobiographical in nature or if Brynn is me. Short answer? Um, NO. Definitely NO.

Full answer? There’s a little of every author in their characters. The old saying goes, “write what you know.” So on that note, I would LOVE to share with you a little behind-the-scenes deets about the creation of the novel.  I’ll do my best to avoid spoilers for those who haven’t read it yet!

Where did the inspiration for What Could Be come from?

A while back, I was remembering some of my former preschool and daycare students. In my late teens and very early 20s, I worked in two different day cares, taught Sunday school, babysat, and was basically always surrounded by kids. That, Brynn and I have in common.

Feeling nostalgic, I pulled out photos and the stick figure drawings I’d been given. I struggled to remember the last name of my very favorite little boy ever, and finding a sketch with his name on the back helped me find him on Facebook. Like any decent internet creeper, I looked up all of the other kids whose names I could recall. Now, I never contacted any of my old kids–and I still refer to them all as “my” kids–but it blessed my heart to peek into how they’ve grown up and what they’re into now. I’ve prayed for these kids over the years, even if all I can recall was a first name or a face. Most of them are in their late teens and 20s now.

It got me thinking. Every person we come into contact with leaves a mark. Every choice we make in life has an impact. It put me on a wild train of thought that spanned weeks. If there was a girl, like me or like any of my friends who also worked in childcare, but instead of making the choices I made, went a completely different direction with her life…what choices might she make? Where would those choices take her?

Is Brynn based on you or anyone you know in the real world?

Some of Brynn is definitely based on experiences I had as a young twentysomething, some of my naive ideals, trials and stresses. Some of her is based on friends and a little of what we all encountered in that crazy time of life when you’re stressing about figuring things out. Everything in those years feels so big, and time feels so slow. My husband and I were talking awhile back about how our early timeline felt like it was forever but was actually relatively fast. I’ll have to blog our story someday, because it’s a really, really good one.

Anyway. Brynn. Like her, I used to make idealistic lists about the traits, qualities, etc. of the guy I planned to marry. I also went through a heartbreak with a guy I truly thought was The One. This guy, like Aiden, checked all the boxes. And then…we broke up. For different reasons than I wrote in the story, but equally significant. Realizing that what you think is a good plan for your life doesn’t match God’s plan is never easy. Praise God that He restores and gives us better than we could ever hope or imagine!

Also like Brynn, I was quite the over-thinker, overachiever, and list maker. I, too, lived in a bit of a self-constructed Jesus bubble. Not a bad thing, but I can look back and acknowledge I was very naive and had a sheltered world view. That’s why I wrote her that way–I think she has a lot to learn and overcome to build an authentic faith. But she has potential! Giving yourself over to God’s will as a lifelong Christian is sometimes harder than coming to Christ on your own for the first time, later. There’s this self-righteous wall that has to be torn down first, and for perfectionists it’s really not easy to admit you need him.

Brynn is written as a really amazing singer. I’m experienced and can harmonize, but realistically I’m not a whole lot above average.

Unlike Brynn, giving my lists to the Lord was relatively easy. God brought along the exact man for me, in exactly the right time, and I knew from our first meeting that he was The One, for real. I’m happy to say that we’ve been married for 16 years now, have three incredible daughters, and our life is a crazy, beautiful mess.

What about Josh? Where did he come from?

In any educational/childcare setting, you’re bound to come across some pretty cute single parents. Yes, I know it can be an overused stereotype in romantic fiction. But I think it’s that way because there are so many possibilities and it happens in reality.

Not for me personally, but when I was going through my ideas of who to pair Brynn with, I wanted her to take a completely different road than I would ever have taken. I thought, okay, besides church, school, and friends, where might Brynn meet someone? Then, the idea of Josh came to me.

I felt like Brynn needed someone completely off-list. Someone she would never in a million years expect. She needs to really learn that God is in control of all parts of her life, and be comfortable giving up her will in exchange for His. Someone like Josh could do that for her. Brynn has unconditional love for his son, and that draws him in first, along with the hope that maybe he could one day have that same kind of love.

And Caleb?

Personally, I adore Caleb. Just like Brynn is a caricature and mix of me and my friends and fictional creation, Caleb is a caricature and blend of friends of mine and my husband’s and made up blandness. Like Gina says, he’s a little vanilla. I wanted to write him as a clear mismatch for Brynn. They are too much alike, too much like friends.

I’ve had a few people imply that Caleb reminds them of my husband. To a certain extent, I guess that’s reasonable (and probably why I adore Caleb). They’re both brilliant, hard working, dedicated, thoughtful people. But my husband is super awesome at putting his family first. Caleb hasn’t learned how to do that–or maybe, he just hasn’t found that perfect someone to take him out of his striving and work focus. I hope that given his own story, Caleb could maybe find himself lucky to become someone as wonderful, funny, and giving as my husband.

So…why all the angst over her decision about school?

Think back to life at 22. Maybe not for everyone, but for most people I know, those post-high school/college years were stressful. There’s so much pressure to make the right decisions. You feel like you’re never going to graduate. The search for your soul mate or perfect match or spouse or whatever label you want to smack on your Person feels like it will never end, it’s taking forever. You keep waiting for your “real life” to begin (cue scene from Scrubs).

It’s no wonder Brynn’s a little angsty. (Yes, I know angsty is not a real word. Yet. Neither was nauseous until a couple of years ago, but people still said it, so back off.)

Anything else you’d like to share about the book?

There’s a scene with an unfortunate molasses cookie recipe. That scene is based on a real-life kitchen disaster my mom and I still laugh over.

I also rewrote a better closure for my best friend, who had her own heartache back in the day. The Walmart scene is an homage to her and what I wish I could have changed on her behalf.

Everything else about the book was a stream of consciousness that just sort of flowed out as I prayed over what to write. Things came to mind, and I just went with it. A few times I wrote myself into a corner and had to follow the rabbit trails of “if this, then…” and “what if…” to get things back on track.

The final truth is, I realize it’s not perfect. And for a recovering perfectionist, that’s a big deal. With maturity comes the acceptance of reality, if you’re willing to see it. I’ve reread the book. I know the beginning is a little slow, and the build up takes time to get good. I think I even caught a few errors that I lost track of before I could fix them. Totally embarrassing. (UPDATE Second edition with a NEW cover and full editorial revisions is coming late March 2018!) I’m learning as I go, making mistakes and fixing them. I love it.

Gina’s story is next. So far, I am loving the tale that is unfolding between her, Jaydon and the other characters. I hope you will, too. It’s very different from Brynn and Josh’s story. But that’s life. No two stories are the same, nor should they be!

Anyway, I hope this answers some questions. Leave a comment and let’s chat about things!

about me

Hello, and welcome!

Jaycee

Happy weekend, my friends. I’m hard at work figuring out this whole blogging and publishing thing. Today I just want to say hello, and take a moment to express my gratitude to the many people who have encouraged me over the years in my writing and introduce myself.

I’ve used email, Facebook, and thousands of sheets of paper to express the many things I’ve always felt needed to be said. And now, after probably a decade of deliberation, I finally decided to join the blogosphere. Here I plan to express the random writings I feel pressed upon by the Lord to share.

So yes, there will be Jesus stuff.

Before you hesitate and click the x on your browser, let me explain. I am a wife, a mother, a substitute teacher. I am a crafter, a hobbyist, a singer. I am a lover of all things kitchen. I am a writer, a neighbor, a friend, a daughter. But above all, I am a child of the King of Kings.

I believe the Word of God, the Bible, is living and active with very real application today. In real, everyday life. It isn’t always easy to read, understand, or even agree with. But it’s truth and there is wisdom in there that goes beyond time, and remains true and relevant whether it’s believed in or not.

This blog isn’t going to be a self-righteous hyper-critical rant, or a political poo-fest wrapped in belligerent opinion.  You won’t find political anything (can we say YES!!). I won’t be shoving things down your throat or whacking you over the head with my Bible.

What I will be sharing will be a raw, honest journey of the ways the Father shares things with my heart. The way he kicks my butt and gives me reality checks. The way he takes a sometimes broken, often messed up woman and lets her learn things by falling flat on her face. Sometimes in humiliation, sometimes in worship. But I fall, a lot. Which means I’ve learned to celebrate and share the victories big and small and the whole spectrum of the in-between. I’ve learned to be open and real with other people (even though my family thinks I am way too blunt, too intense, too honest, and too graphic sometimes).

You won’t find photos of gross, open wounds, because no one in all of the internet actually wants to see those nasty things. But you’ll find a safe place to read and talk about the metaphorical ones here. A safe place where even if you and I can never see eye to eye on something, I can safely say I will still care about you. You will find a soul who may not personally understand every experience you’ve been through, but will try, will pray for you, will still want to see you healed and set free and be cheering you on in your journey.

Some days I’ll share a recipe from my kitchen adventures. Some days I’ll share deep thoughts or a message I feel led to write. Some days I’ll share my triumphs. Some days I’ll share my excitement about my newest book, and we can talk about what’s going on with it. Some days I will get absorbed in living my life and forget to write anything. But all days, I’ll be thinking of what to say next and how to pray for you, my readers.

Whether I have one reader or several thousand. It’s all good.

And I’ll probably say that particular phrase a lot.

It’s all good.

Because even when it’s really not, I believe in the long run, it will be.