It cracks me up, but I’ve had several people ask me if What Could Be is autobiographical in nature or if Brynn is me. Short answer? Um, NO. Definitely NO.
Full answer? There’s a little of every author in their characters. The old saying goes, “write what you know.” So on that note, I would LOVE to share with you a little behind-the-scenes deets about the creation of the novel. I’ll do my best to avoid spoilers for those who haven’t read it yet!
Where did the inspiration for What Could Be come from?
A while back, I was remembering some of my former preschool and daycare students. In my late teens and very early 20s, I worked in two different day cares, taught Sunday school, babysat, and was basically always surrounded by kids. That, Brynn and I have in common.
Feeling nostalgic, I pulled out photos and the stick figure drawings I’d been given. I struggled to remember the last name of my very favorite little boy ever, and finding a sketch with his name on the back helped me find him on Facebook. Like any decent internet creeper, I looked up all of the other kids whose names I could recall. Now, I never contacted any of my old kids–and I still refer to them all as “my” kids–but it blessed my heart to peek into how they’ve grown up and what they’re into now. I’ve prayed for these kids over the years, even if all I can recall was a first name or a face. Most of them are in their late teens and 20s now.
It got me thinking. Every person we come into contact with leaves a mark. Every choice we make in life has an impact. It put me on a wild train of thought that spanned weeks. If there was a girl, like me or like any of my friends who also worked in childcare, but instead of making the choices I made, went a completely different direction with her life…what choices might she make? Where would those choices take her?
Is Brynn based on you or anyone you know in the real world?
Some of Brynn is definitely based on experiences I had as a young twentysomething, some of my naive ideals, trials and stresses. Some of her is based on friends and a little of what we all encountered in that crazy time of life when you’re stressing about figuring things out. Everything in those years feels so big, and time feels so slow. My husband and I were talking awhile back about how our early timeline felt like it was forever but was actually relatively fast. I’ll have to blog our story someday, because it’s a really, really good one.
Anyway. Brynn. Like her, I used to make idealistic lists about the traits, qualities, etc. of the guy I planned to marry. I also went through a heartbreak with a guy I truly thought was The One. This guy, like Aiden, checked all the boxes. And then…we broke up. For different reasons than I wrote in the story, but equally significant. Realizing that what you think is a good plan for your life doesn’t match God’s plan is never easy. Praise God that He restores and gives us better than we could ever hope or imagine!
Also like Brynn, I was quite the over-thinker, overachiever, and list maker. I, too, lived in a bit of a self-constructed Jesus bubble. Not a bad thing, but I can look back and acknowledge I was very naive and had a sheltered world view. That’s why I wrote her that way–I think she has a lot to learn and overcome to build an authentic faith. But she has potential! Giving yourself over to God’s will as a lifelong Christian is sometimes harder than coming to Christ on your own for the first time, later. There’s this self-righteous wall that has to be torn down first, and for perfectionists it’s really not easy to admit you need him.
Brynn is written as a really amazing singer. I’m experienced and can harmonize, but realistically I’m not a whole lot above average.
Unlike Brynn, giving my lists to the Lord was relatively easy. God brought along the exact man for me, in exactly the right time, and I knew from our first meeting that he was The One, for real. I’m happy to say that we’ve been married for 16 years now, have three incredible daughters, and our life is a crazy, beautiful mess.
What about Josh? Where did he come from?
In any educational/childcare setting, you’re bound to come across some pretty cute single parents. Yes, I know it can be an overused stereotype in romantic fiction. But I think it’s that way because there are so many possibilities and it happens in reality.
Not for me personally, but when I was going through my ideas of who to pair Brynn with, I wanted her to take a completely different road than I would ever have taken. I thought, okay, besides church, school, and friends, where might Brynn meet someone? Then, the idea of Josh came to me.
I felt like Brynn needed someone completely off-list. Someone she would never in a million years expect. She needs to really learn that God is in control of all parts of her life, and be comfortable giving up her will in exchange for His. Someone like Josh could do that for her. Brynn has unconditional love for his son, and that draws him in first, along with the hope that maybe he could one day have that same kind of love.
And Caleb?
Personally, I adore Caleb. Just like Brynn is a caricature and mix of me and my friends and fictional creation, Caleb is a caricature and blend of friends of mine and my husband’s and made up blandness. Like Gina says, he’s a little vanilla. I wanted to write him as a clear mismatch for Brynn. They are too much alike, too much like friends.
I’ve had a few people imply that Caleb reminds them of my husband. To a certain extent, I guess that’s reasonable (and probably why I adore Caleb). They’re both brilliant, hard working, dedicated, thoughtful people. But my husband is super awesome at putting his family first. Caleb hasn’t learned how to do that–or maybe, he just hasn’t found that perfect someone to take him out of his striving and work focus. I hope that given his own story, Caleb could maybe find himself lucky to become someone as wonderful, funny, and giving as my husband.
So…why all the angst over her decision about school?
Think back to life at 22. Maybe not for everyone, but for most people I know, those post-high school/college years were stressful. There’s so much pressure to make the right decisions. You feel like you’re never going to graduate. The search for your soul mate or perfect match or spouse or whatever label you want to smack on your Person feels like it will never end, it’s taking forever. You keep waiting for your “real life” to begin (cue scene from Scrubs).
It’s no wonder Brynn’s a little angsty. (Yes, I know angsty is not a real word. Yet. Neither was nauseous until a couple of years ago, but people still said it, so back off.)
Anything else you’d like to share about the book?
There’s a scene with an unfortunate molasses cookie recipe. That scene is based on a real-life kitchen disaster my mom and I still laugh over.
I also rewrote a better closure for my best friend, who had her own heartache back in the day. The Walmart scene is an homage to her and what I wish I could have changed on her behalf.
Everything else about the book was a stream of consciousness that just sort of flowed out as I prayed over what to write. Things came to mind, and I just went with it. A few times I wrote myself into a corner and had to follow the rabbit trails of “if this, then…” and “what if…” to get things back on track.
The final truth is, I realize it’s not perfect. And for a recovering perfectionist, that’s a big deal. With maturity comes the acceptance of reality, if you’re willing to see it. I’ve reread the book. I know the beginning is a little slow, and the build up takes time to get good. I think I even caught a few errors that I lost track of before I could fix them. Totally embarrassing. (UPDATE Second edition with a NEW cover and full editorial revisions is coming late March 2018!) I’m learning as I go, making mistakes and fixing them. I love it.
Gina’s story is next. So far, I am loving the tale that is unfolding between her, Jaydon and the other characters. I hope you will, too. It’s very different from Brynn and Josh’s story. But that’s life. No two stories are the same, nor should they be!
Anyway, I hope this answers some questions. Leave a comment and let’s chat about things!
