friendship Archives - Jaycee Weaver

I once heard someone say Mother’s Day should come with a trigger warning. This same person had a hard time going to church on Mother’s Day Sunday, explaining that for her the day was fraught with conflicting, complicated emotions she’d rather not have shoved in her face. If you can relate, this post is for you. If not, this post is also for you, just keep reading, you may yet glean something of value.

While honoring moms on a special holiday every year seems like a wonderful, happy, sweet concept, it’s not always that simple. For some, it’s a painful reminder of unfulfilled longing. For others, it’s a day of grief. Trauma. Pain. Heartache. So today, while this is ordinarily a contemporary Christian romance blog, I’d like to take a moment separate from that to write a few letters from the heart honoring those who aren’t looking forward to Mother’s Day.

To my precious friend yearning for motherhood,

This season isn’t easy. I don’t know your story, whether you’re still single and searching, struggle with infertility, or are still waiting with deferred hope for another reason. But know that motherhood isn’t a matter of the body, but of the heart. You mother already in the ways that count. In the way you care for those in your life who need it, in the way you already love the child you hope for. In the compassion you show, in the sacrifices you make for others, in the leadership and mentoring you do. As with Hannah and Rachel, the Father hears the cries of your heart. Until your arms are filled, cling to Him with the hope of Someday. Keep loving others like He does while you wait, my friend.

Mother is a verb. It’s something you do, not just who you are.” —Dorothy Canfield Fisher

To my dear friend aching for her lost child,

Oh, my friend, how I mourn with you. Words cannot adequately express the unfairness of your loss nor honor the depth of yearning to see and hold your precious one again. You are loved, mama. You are precious to the Father, and He has felt what you feel. He has lost, too. That may feel like trite, and if so I am sorry. I pray for your heart today to find an echo of joy in the memories you treasure and hold close as you also cling to the hope of Someday when you will see and hold them again.

And can it be that in a world so full and busy the loss of one creature makes a void so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!” —Charles Dickens

For my friends who are missing their mothers,

Whether the separation is by disconnect, death, or miles, I pray for you today. It’s hard missing your mama. May your memories be sweet and bring peace. You are not alone, never truly.

Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” —C.S. Lewis

To my friend whose mother-child relationship was complicated or downright traumatic,

Here’s a hug for you, my friend. It’s hard to celebrate a day when you’ve got a history of trauma, abuse, neglect, mental illness, or other heavy issue that’s made life… well, hard. You should’ve had a better mom. It’s okay to acknowledge that. You aren’t dishonoring her by acknowledging she fell short. Sometimes there is healing in speaking the truth, in acknowledging she should have made better choices, gotten help, figured out her mess. She shouldn’t have hurt you. I pray for your continued healing, especially in those moments that sneak up on you and hurt all over again. If she’s still alive, I pray for you to find that sweet place of balance between safe boundaries and restoration. I pray she finds Jesus and experiences a radical transformation that brings healing to you both. But I also pray for your heartache if that’s never the case. May you find the strength to move forward in wholeness and healing. May your other relationships be better and stronger because of the things you learned and who you decided not to be. May you find hope, joy, and peace in the arms of the Father when you need them most.

It is both tragic and freeing to accept that your mother is not capable of being the mother you always needed her to be.” – Stephi Wagner

For those finding this Mother’s Day difficult for other reasons,

You are precious. You are loved. You are seen and adored by the One who made you and knows you best. It won’t always be like this. There is hope. I encourage you to find those tiny pockets of joy in seasons like this, however they come. In the warmth of the sunshine. In the sounds of birdsong and laughter. Cling to your faith, to the knowledge that someday soon a new season will come, and this one will become a mere memory. I pray for you to find Him when you seek Him, for you to feel His arms around you as you struggle, knowing you are not alone. You are not too much for Him, and He restores when you aren’t enough or fall short. When it feels as though everything around you is unraveling, hold tight to those threads of light, life, joy, and peace. And don’t be afraid to get a little therapy if you need it! We all do sometimes, my friend.

A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.” —Cardinal Meymillod

Last but not least, for all the tired and weary moms out there, whether mothers by biology or by action,

Thank you for doing the hardest job in the universe so well. I’m proud of you! There’s no more difficult job than mothering, because doing it well always means putting yourself last while constantly being mindful of the needs, demands, and preferences of everyone else. I pray this Mother’s Day your loved ones honor you in some way that makes you feel treasured, valued, adored in the way you should be. But in case they fall short, allow me to say GOOD JOB. You may fail, fall short, mess up, and do or say something that will land them in therapy in the future. Welcome to the club, my friend. Motherhood is a messy, complicated job, but the fact that you’re still trying, still sacrificing, still doing everything in your power to live love every minute of their lives, proves that you are good at your job. They might forget to say thank you today or tomorrow, but some wonderful day in the future, they’ll pause and realize how hard you worked and how fully you loved. Keep loving on and praying for those babies, long after they’re grown and facing the world on their own.

Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles.” —Sharon Jaynes

“The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
²⁵the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
²⁶the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.”

Blessings, my friends, now and always. I’m sending you a virtual hug and hope you found some encouragement for yourself or to pass on to someone who needs it.

And in case you’re looking for a book with a complicated mother-daughter relationship that has a happy ending, Braver With You is on sale this week for only 99¢. Happy reading and (hopefully, for most) Happy Mother’s Day!

Cue deep breath, followed by long sigh. Okay. I can write now.

So it’s been awhile, and I’m not the most faithful at blogging. Not that I have a ton of subscribers to impress anyway, nor is that my goal. So what is my goal, you ask? Easy. I just want to have a place to write and share a little of who I am.

In this crazy busy world of polarized opinion over-sharing and character counts, I’m looking for a little something more.

Connection. I think that’s ultimately what we all crave.

Our need for connection is woven into the very fiber of our existence. We seek connection within ourselves, the world around us, in relationships with other people, and especially spiritually. Connecting ourselves to new information, texts we read, things we hear, and pretty much every experience we have is actually a vital element to learning even from a young age. We feel positively about the things we connect with personally.

So. Connection. It’s one of those buzz words all over the place these days, as people begin to realize how we’ve allowed ourselves to become isolated. And we have done this.

We join social media, but become disheartened by the climate there or distracted and disillusioned by the highlights we see peeking in on others’ lives. Maybe we take the time now and then to connect in person. Maybe we don’t. We spend a little too much time inside working, living, doing. We’re busy. Some of us put ourselves out there over and over again and receive bupkiss in return. Or, if you’re like me, you make really great friends for a while and then–bam!–they move away. (So many times! I tell you, if you want to leave Albuquerque, let’s be friends. I try not to feel cursed.)

But I digress.

So many of the problems on the rise in our country could be resolved and prevented by this one simple concept of truly connecting. Think about it. Suicide rates, school shootings, racial tensions, the polarization of public opinions. Yes, there are extenuating factors making each issue more complex. But at the very heart of things, as we lose face-to-face connection with other people, as we focus more on ourselves, as we keep from doing the things we love and enjoy, spend more time indoors and less in nature, we lose more and more connections. The very connections that make us who we are as a person, but also as a people.

So how do we find connection when we have an infinite list of reasons to remain distracted, isolated, withdrawn, or in our little family bubble?

I find it’s easiest to start physically. I’ve recently gone back to practicing yoga, and my Christ honoring instructor pointed out how important it is we feel connected to the very ground under our feet. She wanted us to really feel the floor with our hands and feet while the rest of our bodies are twisting like pretzels. And guess what? It makes sense. That physical connection opened my heart back up to checking out the world around me, and looking for other broken connections.

When I look up and around, the first thing my eyes are always drawn to are the Sandia Mountains.

This isn’t even that great of a shot. But look at those pretty Watermelon Mountains (in case you wondered what Sandia means). Every time I look at them, I marvel at the way they never look the same. And I mean never. You could do a time-lapse over a year and it would be a crazy mix of colors, clarity, brightness, depth, and mystery. I could write an ode or sonnet about all the things I love about my mountains. As long as I can see them, I feel connected to my home. I come back to ABQ from a long trip, and as soon as I catch sight of them my heart wants to leap from its chest and sing, “I’m home! I’m home!” Sure, they’re small compared to the mountains further north or across the world, but they’re mine.

When I turn away from the mountains to face west, I catch an expanse of the most incredible sky in the world. Yes. I said that. New Mexico has incredibly blue skies, and the sunsets here are like nowhere else. Whenever I’m driving westward in the late afternoon, I feel like God has painted a spectacular work of art just for me. Just. For. Me. I don’t care how many people live here and see it. He did it for me, and you can’t tell me differently. Because connecting to the artistry and beauty of creation opens my heart and spirit to connect with God himself. And a spiritual connection is ultimately what we’re all created for in the first place. So get out there and connect to your world, your environment. Experience it. Put down the distractions more often and let your love for a place ground you and start healing those wounded places.

Once you’ve reset yourself again, you’re ready to get out there and make human connections again. And let’s face it. We all go through seasons of isolation and withdrawal. We get tired and frustrated and it’s easier to not put ourselves out there anymore to avoid the hurt. Or we become “too busy,” allowing our busy-ness to make us feel more important and significant. All that does is elevate us onto a different plane away from the very thing we need most, other people. Even you introverts out there. You need your people. Small, controlled doses with plenty of solo time after, but you need them, too. And you extroverted introverts (like me) who need to be surrounded by people, but it’s like pulling teeth to get you there past the dread and temptation to cancel. I see you, I know how you are. Suck it up, buttercup, and make a plan with somebody and stick to it. You need it.

I won’t go on about all the ways we can foster our interpersonal connections because what each of us needs varies greatly from person to person. I just want to encourage you to find a small way to actually do it. Start with your little world around you. Throw yourself back into something that you love, or pursue that person you’ve lost touch with. Reconnect with your faith, even if it’s just a quick prayer of “Hey, God, I’m still here. Sorry I’ve ignored you lately.”

Make one connection today, and maybe another one tomorrow.

If we all just got outside ourselves for a minute, think of the good we could do in this world.

Tag: friendship

A Matter of Heart

Connection isn’t just a buzz word.