You know that verse, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)? Man, it’s so easy to get stuck on those middle two words “fall short,” isn’t it? Especially if you’re a recovering perfectionist like me. Failing and falling short are hard to come to terms with when you’re striving to be the best version of yourself.
And when you consider that many translators have misinterpreted Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect,” well, it’s easy to see why so many Christians out there have resorted to a rather hypocritical version of faith, keeping their sins and struggles and shortcomings hidden behind closed doors and putting up walls that make talking about a lot of things taboo. Which, of course, leads to other people perceiving the Church as fake and insincere and self-righteous. And face it, too often, we are. It’s sad.
Now, why am I bringing all of this up on an Inspy Romance post? To put it succinctly, 1 John 4 repeatedly tells us “God is love.” And later, that “perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”
So many Christians are trying to be perfect that we begin to fear failure. We fear being a bad example to the world. We fear being exposed, raw, vulnerable. And yet, that’s the ultimate display of love, isn’t it? “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). That’s not necessarily a literal meaning–we lay down our lives the minute we put self-preservation beneath connecting to others in love and in lovingkindness (intentionally one word, it’s a thing). When you “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31), you put others’ needs above your own. Make sense?
That’s what makes love perfect. When, like Christ, we don’t hesitate to show that we can be patient, kind, honoring, selfless, calm, forgiving, truthful, protecting, trusting, hopeful, and perseverant (1 Cor. 13:4-7 paraphrased). Those are the things that drive out fear. His love in action.
A lot of romance novels, including Christian and inspirational ones, feature characters who have to overcome their fear before finding love. That’s real life. And it goes beyond the meet-cute and dating. Marriage also requires us to step out of fear and into perfect love–selfless, 1 Cor. 13 love–continually. Yet, because we’re human and therefore imperfect, we’re going to fall short. Continually.
But in Christ, we only need to love and accept grace. Extend it to ourselves and to others. Quit nipping at each other when others fail or fall short or struggle. Because there’s no way anyone can measure up to a literal standard of Matthew 5:48 above. Perfection isn’t attainable this side of Heaven.
Most of my characters struggle with accepting some element of this post, as I think most of us do in real life. In What Could Be, Brynn has struggled with her own bit of perfectionism and fear of failure. In Whatever Comes Our Way, Gina falls for a youth pastor who shows her that love is bigger than fear or anxiety, bigger than the past. And in my latest, What Makes a Home, a lost young woman discovers what the Bible says about love and can’t help but fall in love first with God, then later, her neighbor. People who put her needs before their own inspire Jobie to do the same because if that’s love, then it’s revolutionary.
I’d like to live a revolutionary love. Wouldn’t you?
If God is love and we are made in His image, then it stands to reason, we should be love, too. So whether it’s in a romance, among friends or family, or to the stranger down the street, be love.
Love never fails. So says 1 Corinthians 13:8. So even if you fall short of His glory, in Him, with His love, you can’t possibly fail. Get up, shake off the mistakes you and others make, take courage, and just love some more.
Now, just to lighten up an otherwise heavy post, I’d like to give a copy of What Makes a Home to one reader this week. Simply comment below with one way you relate to this post, and someone will be chosen at random to win an eBook!
I completely agree, Jaycee! What a fabulous, thought provoking post! ?
Hi Jaycee, I totally agree, and I personally struggle with perfectionism and, if I’m honest, what’s really a prideful desire to do everything right. This year I’ve been struggled with health issues. A humbling season of life because I haven’t been able to keep all my commitments. By prioritising my family and day job that pays the bills, I either had to let a few things go or not do things as well as I’d like. Our society, especially social media interactions, can crucify people for making one mistake and saying the wrong thing. There’s no grace or acknowledgement that people are fundamentally imperfect and are destined to make mistakes. Thanks for sharing with us. 🙂
I really enjoyed your post because I can relate to being a perfectionist. I am much better now than I was in my teens and twenties.
Thanks for the thoughtful post.
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Wow! What an awesome post! Being a perfectionist and not letting other Christians know my struggles is something I battle with daily. Thank you so much for your post! If that’s not truth in a nutshell, I don’t know what is.
My husband and I discuss frequently how we can’t get the lost saved because too many “Christians” are fake and won’t let the lost see how God’s grace alone is what saved them!
God bless you!
Amen, girl! That’s absolutely become my heart for the world. Authenticity and vulnerability are underrated qualities we really need to put into practice!
This is great!! I’ve never been a perfectionist, but I can relate to making mistakes!! You’re book sounds really good!
Thank you, Trudy!
I believe a person needs to focus more on what they can offer the other person, not what’s in it for them. They need to look at them through the filter of Christ, loving and accepting them for who they are.
It is so easy to have a “me, me, me” view in a relationship.
-Am “I” good enough to be loved?
-Will he make “me” happy?
That sort of thing.
Let’s get beyond the selfish thoughts and seek to reflect Christ to the other person. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church and we have the opportunity to use that connection to show the world what it means to be in a relationship with the Lord.
All that said, some people need to work on understanding their true worth in Christ before they are healthy enough to be in a relationship with someone else.
So true, Susan. Changing the perspective from self to Christ isn’t first nature for most, but it’s important to practice!
Beautiful post, Jaycee! I strive to go out of my comfort zone to help someone in need all the time….it’s not always easy, but I try.
Thanks, Paula! It’s never easy, but it’s worth it!